SOLSTICE 21.12.2021

||CELL 1: SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE: Gadubanud Country, Australia||
-----Dawn/Sunrise----

What does this day want to say?
I am here. I am now. I’m full now.
Isn’t that what you all wanted? More? The most? The most pleasure. The most absence of darkness. The most light and the most warm and easy? But I’ll tell you light and full isn’t actually so easy..
In this state I am heavy, loaded up in all aspects. I can’t move and shift much until I shed. Until I am harvested unburdened. Take a deep breath. Hold it. Now try and move around like this. Try to swim deep into the ocean to pick up something precious at the bottom.
Now breathe out and do the same.
What do you notice?
Try also to pause at mid-breath out and mid-breath in.
Do you really find this state of excessive full an aspirational place to arrive at?
States of excess are not meant to be resting places.
Instead it is from here that you lighten your load. Give something back. Empty your hands so that later you are available to catch what is thrown to you. How can you pick up a gift if your hands are already full?
Remember this when you idealise more and the most, ‘the best’. There has been a forgetting on how my functions cycle and an idealisation of certain moments being ‘better’ and more desirable than others. But better is only possible with the inverse existence of the one you call ‘worse’, who is actually just the other side of the coin, the supporting hand who is facilitating the one you call ‘good’.

||CELL 2: NORTHERN HEMISPHERE: Berlin, Germany||
----Morgendämmerung-----

Now is the in between time, light flowing from one state into another. How would it be if we would remember that flow, trust our body that we know and just be there to greet it, over and over and over again, one cycle after the other?
I imagined you south tonight, i saw the sun that way, bright and ready, rested and full of energy, singing a whales song. While we are garding the night. That single candle light burning and still a shift, we have the same inbreath on different sides of the scale. But what is the scale (of breathing)? How can we not think/feel that in every second of our existence? It makes me not fall asleep, that cord, that bond reaching from there to here.
Eine unendliche Nacht, ein unendlicher Tag !
Ein Zyklus, der nur noch im Verschwommenen existieren würde. Ich verstehe, dass sie einander brauchen. Was siehst Du, was ich nicht sehe? Welche Organismen fühlen sich bei Dir wohler als auf meiner Seite? Wir können ja auch nicht alle nur auf einer Seite wachen oder schlafen, dann die fließende Instabilität direkt aus der Balance, oder? Als wenn es nur uns Mensche gäbe, Zentrum sind wir sicherlich nicht.
Aber im Traum läuft die Zeit doch ähnlich, meine Nacht dein Tag, nie steht sie still. Vielleicht lasse ich nächstes Mal eine NAchricht für dich dort, ein Lied von den Nachtschattengewächsen hier.
Ich spüre Druck, i need to get out, i am afraid to miss it, the light is waiting for me to be present.

Notes from listening to bell hooks in the afternoon talking about love, so maybe the solstice is like love?:
“This moment is like a confluence, everything is connected. Within that we concentrate on a breath, on air or on anything else we want and let it be the vehicle of our existence.”

||CELL 1: SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE: Gadubanud Country, Australia||
-----Solar Noon-----

Burning feet. Frying eggs. skin cells rapidly aging. Reddening. Everyone should know this sun can kill you. But for others it can feed, nutriate. I’m looking again at all the flower stalks with little bunches of tiny pale blue flowers, I don’t know their name. You wouldn’t know their name either over there. They are from here and here only. But they are fed by your moon and sun also.
I’m feeling blocked towards writing and even more towards speaking. What is there even to do right now. This time isn’t for creation, it’s too full. It’s for sitting and basking and burning and melting. Things need to be dropped. The table is too messy.
What’s next? Who can say until we declutter! Declutter! Decongest first. Move a bit. Restore a bit. Nurture another.
A golden butterfly has just landed, another was dead on the track earlier, guess they only last some days too. Where does that matter go next? Into the soil? The air? Another being’s body. Ant fodder. Everything keeps eating itself and as it dies it creates sustenance for the next thing, (also it), to continue. Either way, it, we, I continue always. Infinity is certain. Infinity is stillness and infinitely moving.
I think my foot skin is burning in the sun. too much moonlight has made it weak. The ground feels bright and active under my feet. Pulsing, generating.
One word? Possessive?
It’s hard to put this feeling into language, or this language. But my body knows and understands it.

||CELL 2: NORTHERN HEMISPHERE: Berlin, Germany||
------Mid-heaven/Mid-day as the point of release-----

When I am at my peak, your solstice will be over. I am constantly feeling a pull today, some kind of out-of-timeness (which is absurd as i am more in it then ever), maybe because i am connecting to the future. Could i run fast enough to catch up with it or lean back knowing that time relates to the place? That’s why we are practicing timeline jumping.
I chose the star today, the two flows from her hands, the sky same from different perspectives, two rivers flowing in their own speed. My recordings happened in 7 hrs, yours in 14hrs, a condensed version of a day
Today i know, i know where i go to. The hours of the day are clear. The light makes sense. Obwohl wir jetzt erst den Winter beginnen, spüre ich, dass die Wende uns wieder zum Licht führt, wie eine plötzliche Knospe im Frühling. Vielleicht ist das die Wärme von der andere Seite oder aber mein Einleben in die wärmende Dunkelheit.

||CELL 1: SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE: Gadubanud Country, Australia||
-----Sunset/Dusk-----

Mosquitos so hungry they bite my fingers. the day is spent! Too much! Too much!
What fullness, what next but less? Less, please less. And then we can yearn for more again. Remembering the sweetness of the sun and all that we love to make golden. What things do you choose to make golden? What things do you choose to make beige? Invisible? Bright pink?
What is your latest narrative? How will you retell that one story you have been telling yourself for so many years? Is that really how it is? Or is your attachment to the story creating that blindness in your judgment and memory filters?
Try also finding the example of when it was the opposite.
Like now you are existing in opposite on that other hemisphere and I am here, both are true, both exist. Your existing there does not mean that I do not exist here. You in your dark gloomy mysterious moonlit day. Me in my abundance of sunlight, blinded, squinting, charged. Both opposing points simultaneously true in the same reality. Hmmm seems like a strong case for multiple truths coexisting.
Why then must we often get so defensive when another is in such a varied perspective to ours?! Could not both be true? You are just in different places in our brain hemispheres. Both co-exist. In fact the other helps you understand your own position more clearly, as it provides contrast.
Without contrast how can we tell what we are?

||CELL 2: NORTHERN HEMISPHERE: on an ICE train-westward from Berlin, Germany||
------Before Dusk-----

Finally, i’ve been waiting all day for that pink light on the sky, as if the clouds were colored. Why do we think that sunrise and sunset have to look a certain way? Like us, human two legged, always projecting something to be a certain way, but everything always has several ways to exist. I am multiple today. I know i was not alone. I felt this day being lived in a common thread and effort to connect, however that works. What if we would all always try to to sense the other (overwhelming?), realise that we breathe in and out together, no matter where the sun or the moon are at.
Now the link light is gone, its blue grey suddenly, with a shimmer on the horizon, everything shifts in a couple of minutes, maybe seconds even. Light, love, temperature the way i look at you, the way you look at me. The way i think about tomorrow, mine, ours, yours, always one is one step ahead or behind, but i am not running after you. Today is a day of growth and outpour. That tree in the middle of tempelhofer feld, apparently alone and never alone, was clear in that. Everything is passing through us, like these pines in front of the window, hundreds. I am sitting still while everything else moves so quickly. I felt something bubbling under the skin today, the bubbling winter spring? Like the bulb wanting to get to the light and at the same time not yet. Like the outpour through the mid point of our head, up to the sky.
Release release release release
IN IN IN IN IN IN IN IN IN IN IN IN IN
The movement goes. Can we go inwards and outwards at the same time? see the sun and the moon at the same timeß be awake and go to sleep?
What happens when you are present with the presence? it dissolves into multitudes.
I feel like i’ve travelled around the world in 7hrs only today.

-----Abenddämerung------
I see four of her through the glass, the moon and her copies, her manifolded glows. I am so much here and so much there. This day has brought me deeper to the understanding of the earth’s energy and our tiny existence. At least a little bit.
Jeden Tag spielen wir Yin und Yang, zwischen den Polen, die Sonne ging schon immer früher unter im Winter und dort später und doch habe ich jetzt erst das Körpergefühl dazu gespürt. Vielleicht zum ersten Mal nicht entkörpert gelebt. Was wäre wenn unsere Uhren dieselbe Zeit anzeigen würden? Wir könnten ja trotzdem schlafen, wenn es dunkel wird. Aber warum muss die Zeit “Sinn” ergeben, warum leben wir nach der Uhr, die uns sagt, wann wir Müsli essen und wann wir einkaufen? Hast Du Hunger? fragte sie und ich schaue auf die Uhr, das ist mir schon oft passiert.
Aber es gibt so viele Mondphasen nach denen wir leben können. Ebenso viele Möglichkeiten, wie es Spiegelungen gibt. Gleichzeitig weiß ich nicht, wie man nach Sonnenphasen lebt, das müsstest Du mir erklären, du warst ja auch glaube ich schon im alten Ägypten dem Licht verbunden
Morgen werde ich versuchen, weiter dem licht zu folgen, dem Anfang der Dämmerung, dem was sich ankündigt, denn die Nacht bringt nicht unheilvolles Dunkel, sondern heilvolles Licht im Innern, wie eine Vorbereitung, a dawn.